Fan Mail

This post is not safe for work. Or kids.

This post was inspired by a post that Jeremy Zawodny wrote a few weeks ago about a (relatively) absurd piece of fan mail that he had received.

Running a popular geeky humor site with 100,000’s of visitors a week for 5 years has been a blast. One interesting phenomenon to watch is the quality of the email feedback that we receive. In the beginning (2001), we used to get a ton of fan mail and it was almost all coherent if not downright useful. We used to engage in dialogue with our fans regularly and even formed relationships with the online humor community.

Now I want you to picture a graph. The x axis represents time and the y-axis represents intelligibility. In 2001, I would say that the average email hovered somewhere between inoccuous and intelligent.

This graph slowly went south.

Around 2003, the level was somewhere near “pretty dumb.”

In early 2004 we hit a new low of “quite stupid” and closed out the year at “really stupid”

By 2005 we kind of leveled off for a while at “holy crap are you kidding me?”

In 2006 we were straight up “retarded” and in Q1’07 I’d say we’ve moved on to “retarted” (where you can’t even spell right on the graph).

Now just in case you think I’m being a little harsh and insensitive and using words that I wouldn’t usually use in mixed company (let alone on a public internet site with my name on it), I give you 15 random, recent, unedited fan emails sent to us (names and email addresses removed, of course):

Subject: wow
yeah wow,
you guys really suck.
that was super gay. i thought it would
be something remotely acceptable, but no.
totally ass.
seriously, STOP SUCKING!
i swear i was cooler than you when i
was 15.
you suck
ruthless?!?!

Dear fuck-wit
You really are stupid, if you did know me then you would know that i do not
have a shaved head and have to much hair. I hope you burn in hell for being
a spamming asshole who sucks ass and other suck things. You were adopted and
your familly dont even love you. You are the scum of the earth and deserve
to be castrated with a rusty nail. I hope you burn in hell for being a
spamming asshole who eats spam and sucks ass and other suck things like
that.

To: googlemirror at alltooflat daht com
Subject: You are a dickhead
you are a friggin retard. why did you do that mirror site you tosser!
-Bob Jane

Subject: dunno
how come it never works or it says sorry and crap
-dude u will never no
suck my dick@hotmail.com

Subject: hello, sir
omg your web site is the coolist thing ever made ever in history! so yah its kool and i wanted to tell u lol

hey this site is like soooooo awsome….i like think its so kool that you were able to do this….lol

Lol i know who sent this, 😛 and they can Bite me . . . smell now, smell
forever. . . 😀
~punkBr@t~

Subject: ITS THE GAYEST IDEA I EVER HEARD
WHO THE FUCK IN THERE RIGHT MIND WOULD HAVE THE IDEA TO MAKE A SEARCH BACKWORDS!!!!ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY….CUZ NOBODY EVEN NOS BOUT IT….N GOOGLE THINKS YOU GUYZ R MAKIN A FOOL OF YOUR SELF!!! I MEAN YOUR REASON FOR MAKING IT IS(CUZ SUM DAY WELL NEED IT TO READ A AMBULANCE….UHHH THERE LICENCE PLATES ARE RIDDEN AMERICAN!!! i MEAN HOW STUPID ARE WHITE PPL!! NO FRIENDS!!!!!!
-chris tucker

im sorry all to sktinky @ all too flat . com but i really dont care what you
say because the fact of the matter is i brush my teeth 1000 times harder
than you would ever brush in a million years

Subject: lol
hello dont know
-Sarah

i have a question about my fish but i dont know if you will be abl[e to answer but here i go.. i have a male guppy and i dont know the other lol but its a female i know that but u see they fight for food the guppy always intends to fight her and i think the other fish barely gets any…. how or wat should i do…
-devi

u are so gay

yeah i seen the crossing man.!!! i want one 2.! so im holding him for ransom 😉 lol until i get one 2 haha
just kiddin but you know ;)byes luv Z
-Zee

you guys did a great job making him. and i think that he had to go to the hospital because he was covered in spraypaint by maniacs who make giant rubix cubes lol jkg. -lacey

david yur gay

fuck off you bitch fuck my ass
This message has been sent through the Bedford School email Server. The views expressed are the views of the individual sending the message and not necessarily the views of the School. Any misuse should be reported to Postmaster@bedfordschool.org.uk

Subject: wtvr
i think that this is gay
-bob

Subject: fix my phone.
what the fuck is the point in making a shitty google mirror when you could be using your time constructively by fixing my phone!!!!!! gggggrrrrrr i hate ebay, anyway, google mirror is cool, pranks are fairly amusing. suggestion: get a joB!!
-Angie

sh7ut the fuck up with this bull shit niga
-austean

Fuck offf. if i was fat id do sumthing about it myself..

seriously it is gay

This is the gayest thing on the planet! Every time I want to search I have to click once more just to understand what im searching for. You people are the gayest perverts in the world to make something like that!

You guys are complete jack asses
-Jack Ass

Really instills confidence in your fellow human beings, doesn’t it?

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